Change My Mind: Your Hypothesis is Wrong

Introduction

The null hypothesis is conventionally treated as a statistical convenience, discarded the moment $p$ dips below 0.05. We treat it instead as a load-bearing belief system [1] and examine what happens when it is defended in public.

Method

A folding table was deployed at quad locations of varying foot traffic. Passers-by were invited to attempt a reasoned defection from $H_0$, with the rejection rule fixed in advance as

$$p < \alpha = 0.05 \tag{1}$$

and effect sizes reported alongside snack consumption. Sessions ran until sunset or security, whichever arrived first.

Results

Resistance to belief revision was measured in eye-rolls per minute, peaking at 14 erpm shortly after the phrase correlation is not causation. No challenger satisfied Equation (1). The null hypothesis lodged a formal apologia [2] and was retained in all sessions, twice on appeal. No participant changed their mind; several changed tables.

Conclusion

The session opens with a Socratic challenge and closes with a structured retraction ceremony for anyone feeling brave. Attendees should bring their strongest priors and a snack; the snack is non-negotiable.