Ancient Aliens: History Channel Logic

Introduction

We evaluate the hypothesis that pyramid construction was outsourced to extraterrestrial subcontractors, as repeatedly hedged in the literature [1]. The hypothesis persists not because of evidence but because the alternative involves admitting that logistics can be impressive.

Method

Procurement trails were audited against fourth-dynasty labour records [2]. Receipt requests were filed through standard channels and remain, we are told, classified. Block-delivery throughput was benchmarked against a null model staffed entirely by humans with levers, ramps, and opinions about management.

Results

The procurement trail is suggestive but inconclusive. Several supply-chain anomalies are equally well explained by a clipboard and a missing union representative, and one is fully explained by a duplicate invoice. The human null model met quota in every simulated season, provided beer arrived on schedule, which the records confirm it did.

Conclusion

We are not saying it was aliens. We close by demonstrating exactly that, twice, with diagrams.